I remember that when I felt pregnant, many parents were telling me "It is a live changing experience". I get this now, but back then, the only think this phrase did was to raise more questions: Live changing? How? Is it for the best..or not?...What do they mean? This is why, more than two years later I decided to write these lines in case someone has the same question in mind. In this post I wanted to talk about some things about becoming a parent that I did not anticipated, even if I was putting a lot of effort to document myself on the matter. Of course, becoming a parent was the best thing in the world. There is nothing I can say that is not "clisce" and common sense for all.
Here is a list of the things I was not expecting to experience (these points were also revisited in the video linked above):
- Postpartum euphoria: I knew about postpartum depression and the baby blues. I knew that after giving birth it was possible to have the feeling of being vulnerable and overwhelmed by the change. I was hoping to have just the sporadic episodes of feeling sad and needing to cry (baby blues) and not to fall into a depressed mode (postpartum depression). Instead of these sad feelings I felt the contrary. It is called postpartum euphoria or baby pinks. You have a happiness feeling, you love your live and everything feels perfect. In other words you feel on top of the world. That is nice, isn't it? Well, as with everything, only if it is not extreme and long lasting. While both baby blues and pinks are attributed to hormone fluctuation, I wish you some very mild baby pinks :).
- Sleep deprivation: I thought I had this covered, but as a first time mum, I just had no idea. Before, if one night I slept 4 hours, that was the end of the world. After my daughter was born, I discovered the new level. Waking up at every hour and totally forgetting what 8 hours of full sleep feel like. For many months I felt like a Zombie. I would say that the age 0-4 months and 8-12 months old were the worst, the 0-4 months because of the frequent requests to breastfeed and 8-12 months due to my daughter teething. Now, 2 years later, things are much better. She still wakes up once early in the morning (4 or 5 am) to come to our bed, but it is nothing with respect to what was the first year.
- Toilet deprivation: This may sound strange to you, but I was surprised how difficult can get to go to the toilet ALONE and with no interruption. I am still working on being able to close the door for some minutes of privacy. Showering becomes suddenly a complex task too.
- Freedom to go out. I needed/ wanted/ had to go out? If it was not planed, I could forget it. If the baby was coming with me, I needed to plan for eventual foods and drinks and changes, routine shifts and the right timing to go out. If the baby was not with me, I needed my husband to take over and plan for the meals, drinks for my little one. I had to forget about the spontaneous going out for a while...but as my baby grows, it is getting easier...she has now become a good companion making going out even more fun.
- Organized: If you do not have this skill, you will acquire it as soon as you become a mum. Nothing works if you don't. You cannot go out, you cannot bath your baby, you cannot feed your family in time. While relaxing and not over planning everything can be good, doing it with a screaming baby is hard.
- Time efficient: Your baby is probably going to take a lot of your day time (If you have no help, I would say at least 70%). The time left you have to share it between endless duties, catching up some sleep and doing something for you. Since the first 2 are necessities, you will learn how to make the most with your 30% without no wasting any minute of it.
- New Love: You can imagine this, or probably you are told this a hundred times, but I feel it is important to reiterate. You will love no-one in the way you love your child. There is nothing alike, there is no way to describe it, you will feel it when he/she is in your arms.
- Dad goes through the big changes as well: He can have postpartum depression too, or have low sexual desire for some time. There is a lot that your partner may not have anticipated about this adjustment time, so he will need some time too.
If you are a mum and reading this, I would love to hear your thoughts.
If you are a mum to be and this sounded scary to you, think that becoming a mum it is not easy but it is the best thing you will ever do.
I will conclude with a nice timeline video capturing the physical development of my daughter. If you watch it, don't forget we love your comments.
Lots of love Sara!
